I had a break down last night. I literally felt like I was losing my mind. I have “episodes” where I get so lost in my thoughts and so feel isolated in my own darkness. I was scaring myself because I couldn’t control my mind or body, I couldn’t stop panicking, I couldn’t catch my breath. I dropped subliminal messages on my social media that I was not okay and that I needed someone; basically a cry for help. My best friend saw it and tried his hardest to convince me in letting him come to my house and get me. Eventually I agreed to it. He took me for a long drive and we stopped by the beach to talk. We told each other secrets that I never thought of sharing with anyone else. Our friendship had reached a new peak. He and I are like brother and sister. We love each other and would do just about anything for each other.
I know that my best friend won’t always be there to help me through it and I know this because I’ve had multiple other episodes where I had absolutely no one physically there to help me. My pride gets in the way of me asking for help. I bottle things in, it’s easier than forcing myself to find the “right words” to say how I feel.
One thing I had to remind myself during my breakdown to be able to walk out of my house in one piece until my friend arrived was that God had my back and that he was there with me. I may have been slacking with my religion lately for far too long but one thing I stand by is my faith. I believe that through christ I can accomplish anything and NO weapon formed against me of any kind shall prosper.