Behind closed doors

Depression is a bitch to deal with. I had such a great day yesterday with my friends and today I didn’t even leave my bed. I hardly ate anything and the one meal I did have,  I forced myself to finish. It’s now 11:14pm and I’m still here in bed but now with a pounding headache from crying so hard.

I’m debating if I should go to church tomorrow because I haven’t been there in months and it seems like every Saturday night I have a great debate with myself if I should go or not. Truth is, I’m scared to go back. Scared of what?  I’m not exactly sure…

Sometimes I just feel so lonely and wish I had someone to hold me and make me feel safe. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone willing to love or even care about me. Crazy thing is no one knows what goes on behind closed doors. I put on the biggest front that I’m happy and that I love life and everything is great but every night when I’m alone, I fall apart. 

I just want to know, am I the only one who feels this way? Why does pain demand to be felt so much but happiness doesn’t?

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